More pictures of summer fun!

July and August of 2009

Finally it's picture time! Emma's Kindergarten graduation!!!

This was from July 9, 2009....click the pictures you can get to the Picasa album & see them bigger if you want.

It's OVER!

Monday was my last official day of radiation! I'm burned, sore and exhausted but slowly feeling like I'm getting my life back. Emma also started first grade on Monday so it was a GOOOOOD day (first grade = full day school folks!). I still have pictures going back to her Kindergarten graduation, that's how far behind I am. Considering everything I've been through I hope it's understandable but I honestly hate not having the pictures up. The blog is fun for me so the fact that I'm so far behind has been eating at me forever. Radiation was actually worse for me than chemo was, probably because it was everyday M-F and literally sucked the life out of me. The only way to describe it is like being in the sun all day long, you're just exhausted. Now I just have my final chemo drug, Herceptin, every three weeks....but there are no side effect from that really so it'll be a cake walk compared to everything else. I'm also starting to play catch up on everything that I've put off....eye doctor, dentist, going through stacks of paper mail, taking the car in....all that "fun" stuff. Despite how hard radiation was we did manage to sneak in two quick turn around trips. One to Arizona to see our new little neice Madison and one to Utah to go to a college reunion with some of my friends from we all lived at Raintree apartments. Both trips were fun, I only wish we could've stayed longer!

My next item on the "to do" list is to get a new photo program for editing pictures. When our computer got the virus we had it wiped and lost whatever photo editing program we had....problem is we don't KNOW what it was! Now all we have is this Windows fax/picture viewer and well, it just sucks. So hopefully in the next couple weeks I'll start getting pictures back up, I think they're more for me than anyone else! lol

Tomorrow I'm going to St. George with a few of my college roommates for a girls weekend.....like we did last year. I'm really looking forward to it, we had a great time last year and right now I need a relaxing, fun weekend. Bring on the sleeping, shopping, eating, talking, watching movies, swimming, hot tubbing and fun!

It's been awhile....

Yes, yes I know....it's been awhile since I've posted. And I've heard it from a couple people so I guess I'll update a little. Truth is it's been busy and crazy and frustrating. Some days I don't feel like ever posting and others I feel like I have too many pictures to go through. Time, it's a lot about time and I don't seem to have much of it lately. One of the main reasons is that our home desktop computer (where the camera software is) got a MAJOR virus and it's being returned to us via the mail as I type. All I can say is thank goodness for friends who are computer geniuses and generous enough to ship a HUGE, pre-paid box to get our computer half way across the country to repair it...at no cost to us! Wendy if I haven't already mentioned it a bazillion times, I LOVE YOU!!!

SOOOO....I'm d.o.n.e with big chemo and starting to feel much better. The only lingering side effect is my eyes that are still tearing all the time. I need to get back to the Opthamologist but again, I just haven't had time. We've been doing a lot of swimming and the girls LOVE it. They are both in swim lessons for about six weeks this summer and it has been great. The only thing is now that it's over 100 degrees outside every day I'm ROASTING while I wait for them. UGH! I was so tempted to jump in the pool during their lesson yesterday, clothes and all!

Emma is officially a Kindergarten graduate. She had her "graduation" last Friday and it was too dang cute. I have a ton of pictures to go through (another big, time consuming task) and will do that once the home computer is back. One of the biggest, baddest, most frustrating pieces of news is that it looks like I will be losing my job. Farmers Insurance bought our company awhile back and I found out recently they do not "do" part time, work at home positions. So sometime around September 1st we will find out the gruesome details. I've never been unemployed and it's a scary prospect right now. You can bet we're going to be looking into every type of government assistance we can until we can get Coray into school and then live off student loans. I can't believe I just said that. lol We have some challenging times ahead but for some odd reason I'm not TOO worried about it. I just have to have faith that we're doing all we can and that we'll be blessed for it.

The other big thing in our lives right now is that I started Radiation last week. I now can say I have a real, permanent and forever tattoo! Five of them to be exact. They are only little black dots but yep, they are permanent. Done with tattoo ink and a needle and all. And you'd think I'd be used to needles by now but if anything, I hate them even more. Anyway, the first day of Radiation was awful. For some reason I was more nervous the first day of my Radiation therapy than I was on my first day of Chemo! The two techs there were NOT nice at all and gave me attitude. They had to draw these "fields" all over me to line up where the Radiation would go, it took about 45 mintues. Like I said, I was nervous and trying to take a deep breath now and then when they stopped marking on me. They'd go out and look at their computer or take a picture, come back in and make some more marks. At one point when they were out of the room I took a deep breath, one of the techs came back in and told me not to do that because I'd just moved the field. Another time (remember my eyes are still watering) I had a tear dripping down my face, which is very annoying. I blotted it with a tissue....one of them told me "don't move". Other than snapping commands at me they barely said anything. I had no idea what they were doing or how long it was going to take. By the time it was over, and I looked like one of the girls had colored all over my chest with a magic marker, I was so MAD I was in tears. The lead tech Margaret, who was NOT in the room but who I had dealt with up to that point, came to walk me back to the little changing room area. As we were walking out I asked her if I'd have to be marked up like that every day, she said no but one of the other techs heard her say that and commented that maybe they would because there was a "lot of movement". I pretty much snapped at that point and said "yeah, because I have to breath" in my best snotty attitude. I told Margaret I was not going to be treated like that again and if I was the next day we were going to have a problem. She is a TOTAL sweetheart and apologized that I had been treated that way and has been in the room every day since. And I will say the other two have been much nicer and I haven't had to put them in their place.....but I won't hesitate to do so if they ever do that to me again.

As you can see by my calendar, Radiation is every day through the third week in August. Between that, swimming lessons and trying to work every day with the girls being home and it being too hot to play outside in the backyard....I'm a little frazzled to say the least! So many things going on it's really just been nuts. I promise (mostly myself) that I will get pictures up once we get our computer back. There are some good ones of swimming fun and Emma's graduation. So there's the long and short and good and bad and craziness that we've been up to recently. Life is never dull!

The new bunk bed!

I promised Emma we'd get them a bunk bed this summer and we finally did a couple weeks ago. After much searching I decided on one with a staircase and I'm really glad I did, it's really nice. I haven't gotten any pictures yet but I did get a cute video of the girls singing while sitting on the bunk bed so I thought I'd share that.

Bye Bye Big Chemo!!

Yes, it's finally OVER!!!! Last Friday was officially my last BIG chemo! Didn't do anything overly exciting but my dear friend Jen flew in from California to spend the weekend with us. She was here for my first Big Chemo weekend and came again for my last. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful friend who was able to do that for me. It was great to have her & I'm always sad to see her go....as are Coray and the girls. It was a very tough weekend....chemo definitely got harder with each treatment. Still, I'm feeling ok and am REALLY looking forward to feeling more "normal" in the next couple weeks. I still have my little chemo treatments every Friday through June 19th and then I will meet with my Oncologist again to discuss the results of my PET scan (which is scheduled for this upcoming Monday) and also find out about my Radiation schedule. So, I'm by no means done but I AM done with the nasty, yucky drugs and am so happy about that! All in all it was no where near as hard as I know it could have been. But I sincerely hope & pray that I'll NEVER have to do anything like it again! Here are a couple pictures.....and YES, it is quite chilly in the treatment area so I always grab a couple blankets. I was pretty drugged up in these pictures too. They give Benedryl and Ativan for the big treatments and it made me so sleeeeeeeepy!

My nurse Amy.....I've had her every week for 18 weeks (except for two). She's so nice.

And one with me and Jen....thanks so much for coming my friend!

A little window fun

My friend Jenn (Estes) is quite the talented artist and something of a food storage expert. Since I was interested in getting a wheat grinder Jenn came over a couple weeks ago with hers to show me how easy they are to use (I subsequently bought one of my own and am now the proud owner of a WonderMill Wheat Grinder). Anyway, while we were waiting on the dough to rise Jenn got a little creative with our front window. It's just too cute not to share! Thanks again Jenn...it really does make me smile everytime I see it.

Our darling little niece

We had even more fun just after our Race for the Cure weekend....Spring and Paige (who turns two this July 4th) came and stayed at our house for a few days. It was so much fun to have them and the girls especially loved playing with their little cousin. She's so dang adorable but she's got some competition coming since both Shannon and Skye are pregnant with girls too!!! Thanks for coming Spring and Paige, you are welcome ANYTIME!

Playing around with Grandpa

Mother's Day this year was spent in bed dealing with my "chemo crash". It wasn't terrible but I'm looking forward to NEXT Mother's Day & feeling a lot better. Coray & the girls were great & I did get to rest a lot, which is really what I need right about now. Anyway, while my Dad was here we took the girls downtown to the MGM Grand to see the Lion Exhibit they have there. They really are gorgeous & it's fun to see them so close up. They rotate them throughout the day so the lions are actually only there for a few hours & then they go to a preserve they live on the rest of the time. We also went to the M&M factory store near the MGM Grand. Yeah, that was a big hit with the girls! Pink & purple M&M's!! Does life get any better when you're a kid??

Komen southern Nevada Race for the Cure!!

Last Saturday (May 2nd) was the Race for the Cure. I'm finally getting the pictures up....it's taken all week because I've been dreading going through all the photos and uploading and editing and such. But it was honestly one of the best days....the weather was great, the event was fantastic, the friends and family who came out with us were wonderful. We just had a great time. Later that afternoon we had almost everyone come over for a BBQ and boy was it good. Our team raised over $1,200.00 for the Komen foundation too! Here's a run down of our wonderful team....family: my Dad was able to come spend more than a week with us (which was great), Spring flew in with her daughter Paige from Sacramento, Chad drove up from Arizona, Skye (six months pregnant) drove over from Summerlin, friends & neighbors: Doug, Emily, Logan and Cody Oxford, and Jen Jepson, friends from church: our Bishop and the entire Estes family, my pregnant friend Amber Featherstone, Maisy Curtis, Vanessa Hart (who had a friend of hers from Utah come down to walk with us), the Paldi family, the Poulsen family, my friend Sarah flew down from Utah....AND (last but not least) my friend Kim Enright and her boys Ryan and Jakob!! Thank you all so much....and thank you to those of you who couldn't be here to walk with us but were here in spirit. I'm already planning to do this again next year, with one exception...next year I will walk with HAIR!!!

(click to view the photo album)

Bittersweet moments

It's so bittersweet to realize your little ones are growing up. I love this picture of Gracie, she looks like such a big girl with her ponytail. She was our little "baldie" for so long, now that she has hair she just seems so big. She loves her bike & loves to ride it around the neighborhood with the big kids when we're out playing. It's just so dang sad because my baby is just not a baby anymore. They grow up so fast. I don't miss diapers though & it's fun to be able to have a conversation with them....so there are good things about it!

Our Easter beauties

Easter festivities

I felt guilty because I didn't get the girls to the mall to see Santa this past Christmas. I promised Emma we'd go see the Easter Bunny & chemo be damned we made it. We also met up with my friend Kim & her two boys so the kids could play. Emma & her son Ryan were in preschool together last year and her youngest, Jakob, is not too much younger than Gracie. The mall has the little play area in the food court that the girls absolutely love to play in....I'm not sure why, it's honestly not that great. A little slide & a little thing to climb on. Go figure. They had fun seeing the Easter bunny & playing with the boys so it was worth it.



I have to admit I've been a bad Mom....the girls have never had a dollhouse. The Easter Bunny took care of that for me & they've been playing with it all day. Definitely a worthwhile investment when you have girls! Except now they want me to go outside & blow bubbles. When exactly do children outgrow the fascination with bubbles?? I swear they would have someone out there every day if they could.



We also had a little Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Nothing big since....yeah the backyard is pretty small, but they love it anyway. Easter & Halloween drive me nuts with all the candy though. I need to be more creative with what they get & try things like coins, goldfish crackers, teddy grahams, stickers, etc.

It's nice to know there's a reason

So I went this afternoon for my weekly chemo visit. They always ask how I'm doing. I tell them it's been a rough week physically, I've been tired....yadda, yadda, yadda. My lab work comes back & my nurse Amy (she's great & I ask for her every week) comes over & says "Yeah I bet you're tired, your Hemoglobin level is pretty low". Hemoglobin is what carries oxygen throughout your body. It's nothing serious & it should slowly start coming back up again. It's just nice to know there's a reason & it's not just in my head! I wonder if Vegas has an Oxygen Bar????

Chemo ups & downs

What a difference a day makes on chemo, especially for a week or so after a big chemo session. I have been really excited about the whole Race for the Cure and thought I was feeling better (or at least on the upswing). Just a series of little things had me down so much tonight, not even Prince Ativan has made it better. I watched the series finale of ER in a daze. Mostly I'm feeling tired, just tired of so many things. Listening to the girls argue & whine (typical for their ages but just too much today for me), feeling like I yell at them too much & just need a break, going upstairs to take five minutes only to have them follow me & then ask me why I was crying, the constant picking up after them, the neverending dishes & laundry, the neverending feeling like that my work is piling up & I can't take fifteen minutes to get them lunch right now because I just keep falling behind & will have to work later in the day to make it up, the constant battle to get them to sit down & eat....why does any mealtime seem to take an hour, the neverending medical bills that seem to be above & beyond our "out of pocket maximum", the neverending side effects of chemo....not all are super hard but most are pretty damn annoying & uncomfortable, the waiting to snap out of it & feel better, the wanting to get my life back. It's hard not to get overwhelmed, it's hard to try to constantly continue on like everything is fine. The fact is that it's not right now. None of this is fine. Cancer sucks. I'm not a "why me" type of person but today I hit "I've had enough". Calgon take me away.

Team Captain Kristine!

The Las Vegas annual Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is coming up on Saturday, May 2nd. I don't care how I am feeling, I don't care how bald I am.....I AM GOING TO DO THIS!!!! So is Coray & we're bringing the girls too. Not only that but I signed up as a Team Captain & would love it if I could get some of my friends/family to come out & do it with us. We are "Team Kristine". Not very original but it works. The ironic thing is that last year I actually contacted them to find out about registering for no other reason than it is a good cause (didn't do it because we all had the stomach flu that weekend....go back in the blog for verification even). Little did I know how drastically my reasons would change! I know many of you are in other states & physically not able but I created a homepage with the details...see link below if you didn't already get it. If any of you are considering a trip to Vegas...how does May 2nd sound?? And I know that for so many of you out of state you will be there in spirit. This has obviously become a very prominent issue in our lives & if any of you are so inclined to donate to our team, well, you know it's a worthy cause. So many of you have reached out to support me in my fight and from the bottom of my heart I am humbled & grateful. This is just a small way that I can continue the fight for myself and others who are battling this horrible disease. Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate the support, the calls, the e-mails, the letters, the cards, the texts, the flowers, the dinners, the babysitting, the yummy fruit & the prayers!

There's a 5K timed run, 5K un-timed run/walk (I think that's what we're planning to do) & a 1K fun walk. So it should be fun, even for the kids!

http://race.komensouthernnevada.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1421241&pg=personal&fr_id=1040&et=QYLj-czQEXSxmakpf8opOw..&s_tafId=7010

Half way done!

Today I had my big chemo #3! Which means I'm half way done with the nasty chemo drugs!!! Three more treatments & I will hopefully never have to ever go through this again. I will still continue on with the drug Herceptin until next February but that one isn't anywhere near as bad. My hair will actually start to grow back! After my six big chemo treatments I will also move on to radiation therapy. I'm not 100% sure of those details yet but I believe it's five days a week for six weeks. That is NOT going to be fun. The radiation won't make me lose my hair but I understand the fatigue can actually be worse with radiation. Lovely. Still, I will do it since it's the best possible treatment plan for me. I also found out I will have the tissue expanders in for at least six months post radiation. I cannot have the replacement surgery until then. Something about the radiation can literally shrivel & harden regular implants so yeah....we'll hold off on the final surgery. I really don't want to look like I have "granny boobs" yet! I think I'd rather have NONE! lol Honestly, I've been surprised so far at how well I've been handling this. The side effects are not nearly as bad as I knew they could be. Knock on wood!! Let's hope it keeps up! And let's hope when all is said & done this does exactly what it supposed to do!!

The Portraits!!!

The girls & I just got back from Arizona tonight. We drove down last Friday for Shannon's baby shower on Saturday. It was a lot of fun. We got to hang out with family all weekend, go to the zoo with the Linhart clan (woo hoo!), I got to watch Twilight with Spring & Shannon (YAY it finally came out on DVD!), visit friends, shop, eat & have a great time. It's always anticlimatic coming back from vacation but it's nice to get home too. It was especially exciting because the portraits came in the mail from Amy today!!!! There are some really great ones & it's hard to decide what to do....which one's to blow up, which ones to frame, which ones to get in color or black & white. Here are a couple favorites (thanks again Amy....they turned out amazing & we love them!!).

It's the little things

You know how when you get into the shower you just anticipate the water will be hot? Yes....it's one of those things we take for granted. Well our water heater has slowly been dying. The pilot light just wouldn't stay lit. I'd have to go turn it on, wait for about half an hour & then we'd get moderately warm to luke warm water. I just can't handle that. Showering was becoming an ordeal & I probably would have needed counseling from cold water shock therapy. I was looking online at a couple large retailers for a water heater & they're pretty expensive....not including installation. Did I mention our water heater is UPSTAIRS?? So I did what we've done before & called one of the members of our bishopric....Billy Boyle. He's a contractor (well, I don't know if that's his official job but he has a license). He's helped us before with a minor(ish) repair to the girls bathroom. I called him yesterday morning. He said he'd come take a look at our water heater after he got off work, then go over to Home Depot, pick one up & come install it. Just like that. Wow. And thanks for letting us borrow him Kylie! Since all this was done while Coray was at work, Billy called another member of our ward, Ethan Featherstone, to come help him with getting the old one downstairs. Ethan's wife Amber is a good friend & had just been over watching the girls while I was at chemo yesterday afternoon. So Amber came back over with Ethan & let the girls eat half her dinner (some yummy looking pasta salad that she brought with her) while the guys changed out the water heater. I've said it before & I'll say it again....I don't know what we'd do without the church. We'd be out a lot of money that's for sure. Our ward is fantastic. Just the day before our neighbor & friend Darren Jepson had been over helping Coray with some caulking repairs to the shower & tub. And all of the ladies who've helped us with babysitting while I'm at my various doctor's appointments, there are too many to even name. Anyway, the heater wasn't exactly cheap but it definitely saved us a good chunk of change & the service....yeah, that was worth every penny. It's such a pretty water heater, I just want to hug it. lol Now excuse me while I go take a nice, HOT shower! :-)

Gracie having fun

Daylight savings time is evil!

Evil I tell you! And yet another reason I want to move back to Arizona....they're the only ones who agree with me apparently. And what exactly is it "saving" us?? Something about not using as much energy because it's lighter later? I just don't get it. Of course it doesn't help that both girls are sick & I'm still feeling awful from Chemo on Friday....or is it because the girls are sharing whatever they have. Emma is home sick again today. She's been running a low fever on & off since Saturday night. Gracie had it last week but still has a lingering cough & runny nose. Oh the joys of sharing. I honestly can't tell if I'm having chemo side effects or if I have a sinus infection, I've been pretty congested. Still, I won't complain (much), it's not as bad as it could be. We're hanging in there!!

A sneak peek from Amy

Oh I am very excited about the pictures! Amy sent me an e-mail a little bit ago with a link to her photo blog where she has posted just a few of the pictures she took. I wish I had this kind of talent...she does such an amazing job with the lighting & backgrounds. I cannot wait to see the rest!!
http://amyleavittphotography.com/blog/

It was inevitable

I am bald. Well, not razor bald but as buzzed as you can be. There's maybe about 1/16 th of an inch of hair. It started coming out last Thursday. I tried not to touch it so we could get the pictures done yesterday & then I went today to have it shaved off. I didn't want to wait until it was scraggly looking, plus having hair everywhere is just annoying. I took Emma with me & she was fine through it all. I considered taking Gracie for about two seconds & remembered when Emma cut her own hair when SHE was three. Yeah, I didn't want to give Gracie any ideas!! I'm ok with it. Just like I am about everything else really. It was oddly liberating in a way. But this is definitely not something I'd ever do without knowing it was going to fall out on it's own. I have a picture. My Mom is the only one who's seen it so far. I'll consider posting it when I get the nerve!! Gracie was so cute when I got home. I had a hat on & told her Mommy had to cut all my hair off....like we'd talked about. We pulled off my hat together & she was rubbing my head with a big smile on her face. Then she kissed my head. It was too cute.

We had fun taking pictures with Amy yesterday. We went to Calico Basin in Red Rock Canyon. It was pretty & the girls had a great time. We should have them in a couple weeks & I'll ask Amy if I can post a couple. I'm excited to see them!

I went back to work today. It is, of course, like I never left. It's nice to be back into a more normal routine....for the most part. It's going to be a challenge with all my doctor's appointments & chemo every Friday. I hope I can keep up!

Some pretty fun news

Skye told me last month that a photographer she knows, Amy Leavitt, was participating in this project called "Giving is Awesome". This is the premise in Amy's words from her website (www.amyleavittphotography.com):

"You know someone. You know someone who’s experienced a tragedy, is struggling to stay afloat, is raising kids while holding down more than one job, or is volunteering selflessly despite extenuating personal circumstances. You know someone who can’t afford custom photography, but who would cherish it fully. You know someone who deserves a year-round reminder of their family’s spirit, love, and beauty.

You know someone. I guarantee it.

I want to know who they are, and I want to give them the chance to experience complimentary custom photography worth over $750. The winner will receive a photo session with me, 5×7 prints from the session and the complete set of digital files."

So, Skye nominated us (and boy would I love to read what she wrote!). I got an e-mail from Amy today saying we won. Wow! It's bittersweet for me because dang....I guess we've been going through some pretty crappy stuff lately. When I really think about everything it's tough and I break down, because you know....it just plain sucks. I mean, I "should" be seven months pregnant right now. I should be fat and happy and rearranging furniture. I hate that there's a part of me that just cries every time I hear another friend tell me she's pregnant. I shouldn't know as much as I do about chemotherapy, about drugs like Taxotere, Carboplatin & Herceptin. About how toxic they are and how they literally try to kill you....just to make you better in the long run. About the plethora of insane side effects and the havoc they wreak on your body. I shouldn't have two huge, angry scars across my chest. I shouldn't have to try and explain all this garbage to two beautiful little faces who just cannot understand it all. I shouldn't know so much about this monstrous disease called cancer, no one should.

Still...I'm ok. As difficult as this is I'm ok. I'll make it through because I have every reason to. I'm not more tough than the next person, I'm not more inspiring. You just do what you have to do. There is no alternative. I'm not done yet and cancer certainly isn't going to stop me.

So I'm excited for the opportunity to have some wonderful family pictures taken. After talking to Amy this afternoon we're planning to do it this Sunday afternoon at Red Rock or a park she knows of. Hopefully it'll be before my hair falls out because I know it's going to start any day now!! It's nice to have something fun to think about instead of just my next Chemo session. And, by the way, the Herceptin only days are not so bad. The IV drip is only about half an hour and the side effects don't seem nearly as harsh. Hopefully that will continue. So thanks Skye and thanks Amy, it'll be so fun to do this as a family and despite whether or not I have hair, I know we'll get some great pictures of the girls!

Finally something NOT related to cancer!

I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever again have anything to say that's not cancer related! This is really for my Mom since she wanted the pictures. My BFF from High School (and college), Donna, was able to manage a quick trip out to visit us this weekend. We haven't seen each other since my wedding seven and a half years ago when she was my Matron of Honor. She was in Phoenix for a nursing conference and came here to visit before heading home to Missouri. To be perfectly honest....I don't think we look all that different than we did in High School! Except we're at least 20 years older, married, I have two kids & she has four. And granted, this is about the last picture you're going to see of me with hair for awhile! It was so good to see her and the girls had fun meeting and playing with her. Thanks for coming Donna, I hope it's not another 7.5 years before we see you again!!

Made it through round one

Friday was long. It didn't help that I woke up at 4:00 am & couldn't get back to sleep. We got there at 8:00 & I didn't actually start the chemo until 11:00. Chemo itself was shorter than I thought it was going to be though....only about 4.5 - 5 hours. They did give me a sedative so I napped, read, watched a DVD. My friend Amber came by & brought me lunch so I had some company for a bit too. I was the youngest one there. Almost everyone else definitely qualified for AARP! That was kind of weird, though everyone was nice. Saturday morning I had to go back & get an injection (Neulasta). Since the chemo kills your white blood cells (the ones that fight infection), among other things, the Saturdays after my "big chemo" days I have to have a shot to stimulate blood cell production.

This is not going to be easy. The fatigue is crazy. Going upstairs was getting me winded. Not a lot of nausea, so that's good I think. It didn't hit me until early afternoon on Saturday & then I just got really tired. I think I have a little bit of a cold too. I was congested a bit before Friday so I don't think that has helped. I'm going to try to go to the gym this morning with Gracie & walk on the treadmill. Exercise is definitely encouraged. I need to get back into our normal routine because I think that will help. I am noticing that some things are tasting different. Not necessarily bad but just different. I was looking at an online discussion board at one the official breast cancer websites and there were ladies discussing having breast cancer more than one time. I can't imagine that. More than anything THAT is what scares me the most. What if it comes back? What if I beat this thing & 10 years from now it's back? I know I can't think that way but it's hard to be positive & upbeat when you're feeling lousy. I just want it to go away. I just want my life back. I can deal with the "modifications" to my body, just give me back my health. We have decided that we are staying here until I'm done with treatment. Pharmacy school can wait. Coray is also going to look into going to school to be a Physician's Assistant. There is a school here in Henderson that he is going to look into and also two in Arizona. Although, as much as we want to get back to Arizona with the housing market what it is right now we should stay put for the time being. Only time will tell.

Here comes Chemo

I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm not nervous, I'm more anxious to get on with it. We have to be there tomorrow at 8:00 for a Chemo class. After that I have a doctor's appointment and after that I start Chemo. Coray took tomorrow off & will come for the class & doctor's appointment but I'll send him home once I start the Chemo part. No sense in him sitting around waiting for hours. It will be a LONG day. I have a bag ready to go. It has a blanket, DVD/CD player, candy, gum, a couple books & water (with a lovely beverage mix in). I can nap, read & watch movies (I only wish Twilight was out on DVD already!). I know they offer a sedative prior to beginning the IV drip(s) so you can sleep if you want to. I may try that tomorrow. Guess I'm all set. I got a package in the mail today from my friend Margie. Among it's contents were TWO gift certificates to The Outback!!! WOO HOO!!! Guess what we had for dinner...curbside to go....you just can't beat it! And I splurged & got myself a Victoria Filet. So Yummy! Thanks again Margie. That was our early Valentine's dinner since I'm pretty much going to be out of it all day Saturday (or so I'm told).

I had my first expansion yesterday. Which was ok though my skin is still numb so I didn't feel the needle go in. I did feel it going through the muscle though. Yuck. I've been more sore today than I have been the past week but I guess that's to be expected. Just more fun to look forward to over the next few months. I'm kind of at a loss for words tonight so this is going to be short. I'm going to try to get to sleep early, not that I need a good nights sleep since I can nap all during Chemo if I want! But I need to try to just relax. I'll post again once I'm feeling up to it. Wish me luck!

Recovery issues

This is quickly turning into "the cancer blog" and I really hate that. It was so much more fun when it was happy, funny, cute posts about the girls and things we'd done. Now it just seems like it's all about me and that's no fun at all. I'm looking forward to the days when all of this is behind us. But it is somewhat therapeutic for me to write everything down so I will continue. I did get the other drain out last Monday and that was wonderful but I've had another issue this past week with my recovery. My skin literally hurts. Not the incision areas because those are still numb, but like the area below my collar bones, under my arms and the back of my left arm. I don't know quite how to explain it other than that. Everything, including the softest tee-shirt, that touches me irritates my skin. I'm so uncomfortable it's not funny. It's a strange phenomenon. I'm sure it has something to do with recovery and nerves regenerating but when it involves nerves there is little OTC medication that can be taken to alleviate the pain. Even the Lortab I have does nothing for it. Oddly enough the one thing that "helps" it is pressure. Not a lot of pressure but if I place my hands on the area it takes the pain away. I'm really hoping this is just a phase of recovery and it goes away soon. I have a follow up appointment with my Plastic Surgeon next Wednesday and will ask him about it if it's not gone. Hopefully he can help if it's still lingering.

I have been trying to concentrate on other things to keep my mind off of it but it's difficult. One of my favorite book series (other than the Twilight series) is by author David Eddings. He is a fantasy writer (sorcerers, mythical creatures, dangerous quests, etc) and one of my favorites. I was introduced to his books in college and re-read them every few years. They are easy reading, very entertaining, humorous, have endearing characters and are just fun to read. Two of his series are about the same characters and that's what I've been reading. I took the first book to the hospital and just finished the tenth book. There are twelve in all. I have also been working on our yearly photo book. I do NOT scrapbook or print out photos for an album but I do like to do an annual photo book online....I like York Photo. I have done several of them over the past few years...an annual book (since 2006), one for each of the girls "first year" and one from my wonderful trip to England. I really like the digital quality and getting the final product in the mail. I narrowed it down to just over 200 pictures from 2008 and finished it last night. It took me about six hours total over the past week to do the whole thing. It's a matter of formatting the pages with the pictures, adding captions and picking backgrounds. I think formatting the pages takes the longest because the layouts are preset. You have quite a few to choose from but you have to make sure the pictures all fit into each layout or add pages to make them fit, rearrange photos, etc. It's a project but I look forward to doing it every year now.

Since so many people were asking about my Chemo schedule I have (obviously) added a calendar to the blog. I will update it with my Radiation schedule once I know about that, but it won't be until after my Big Chemo is finished.

"Awizona doe! Sowar! Sowar!"

Translation: It's Superbowl Sunday and Gracie is cheering on her home state Cardinals (Arizona Go...Score! Score!). Coray got the girls all fired up watching the Superbowl. They were pretty dang cute cheering "Larry, Larry" & getting all excited jumping around & dancing. And then Arizona lost. Ah well....it's just football (says me)! It's all about the commercials anyway right? Actually though my favorite was the preview for the new Star Trek movie. Sweet.

I got one of my drains out last week but this last one has been a pain in my side...literally. It will come out tomorrow though & I think I'll feel much more normal. It's ridiculous how constricting these things have been. I just don't want to go anywhere with them sticking out the sides of my body. I yanked on one of them accidentally last week & yikes...it's not fun having something physically stitched into you. There's literally 6-8 inches of tubing inside of me too....that's just disturbing. It was not pleasant at all to have it taken out & I'm not really looking forward to it tomorrow but I will definitely be glad to get rid of them for good! My dear friend Jennifer came the day my Mother in Law left & was another great help to us. She is coming back on the 13th to be here to help me the day after my first Chemo treatment. I have to say I'm a bit anxious to get this started & see how I react to it. The sooner I start though the sooner it's over.

Path report from my surgery

We got some more news yesterday at the Oncologist office as she had received the Pathology report from my surgery. Bad news & good news but it doesn't really change my treatment. It seems the tumor they removed was 11cm, which took me from stage one to stage three! The good news is that they removed 12 lymph nodes and only two of the sentinel nodes were positive, so it had started to spread but hadn't gotten anywhere yet. My Chemo will begin on February 13th & I will most likely be having Radiation therapy after I'm done with my big chemo (approximately 18 weeks).

My recovery is going fairly well. I'm still tired & sore but feeling all-right. The worst thing is these drains are driving me NUTS! They don't really hurt but they are irritating & there is one literally coming out of each side of my body. I am going to my Plastic Surgeon's office tomorrow for a follow up & I believe he will be taking at least one of them out. The other is still draining more fluid than it should be (nothing serious though) so I'm almost positive he won't let me get that one out yet. Bummer. But I won't complain because only having one is better than two! We still have people bringing us dinner for the next couple nights & one of my sweet friends sent a cleaning lady over today...YAY! (Thanks again Mer) My Mother in Law has been here since last Friday & has been such a huge help, especially with the girls. And they have loved having Nana here. All in all I can't complain...ok, I could complain but it really would serve no purpose. Just, thank goodness for painkillers!

Home from the hospital

I got home yesterday & have been sleeping/resting a lot. I'm very tired & sore but not in a ton of pain. I really thought I'd be more emotional at seeing the results. It's definitely strange but really I'm ok with it. I guess I'm just glad to live in this day & age when we have the technology that makes it possible to beat cancer. I should add that during the surgery they biopsied the sentinel lymph node (that's the lymph node that's closest to the cancer) and it did come back positive. That means it has/had started to spread and, if I understand it all correctly, it makes me at stage 2 now. My surgeon removed the sentinel node & several others, which will also be biopsied. I have an appointment with my Oncologist on Monday & am hoping she has the results. It's not going to really change anything though and the Chemo should pretty much kill any remaining cancer cells. I know Chemo is going to suck but if I didn't have the Mastectomy & Chemo the fact is I would eventually die. So yeah, I'm ok with it. I'll give up part of my body so that I can live, no problem. I was trying to explain Chemo to Emma. It's hard to talk to a five year old about how I'm going to have to take medicine that will make me very sick but will ultimately help me get better. The girls have been really good though & are being very gentle around me.

So many people have reached out to support us during this & I'm humbled & overwhelmed by it all. I don't feel "courageous" or like I'm an "inspiration" but I do feel blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives. I've mentioned this to a few but in our faith we are taught that the Lord will not give us more than we can handle. So, when I found out I had cancer, after the initial "well that sucks" thought the next thing that popped into my head was that I must be able to handle this then because I know that God wouldn't give it to me if I couldn't. And I truly believe that. I have talked to some amazing women who have been through this already and their candor and support have been incredibly helpful. No one wants to ever deal with cancer but I hope that this experience will allow me to help someone else get through it someday too. I am looking forward to the day I can call myself a survivor. And that day will come, mark my words!

Disneyland - Day 2 (Tuesday, Jan. 13th)

Happy Birthday Gracie!!! Many more pictures on Tuesday but again, I've narrowed it down considerably. We started off in California Adventure & once again did the Princess lunch at Ariel's Grotto. It's so dang expensive but we have a Disney rewards Visa & with all the medical bills we've had lately we actually had the lunch paid for with our Disney reward dollars! Um...Yay?! lol Anyway, the girls loved it & they gave Gracie a little birthday cake with a candle & sang Happy Birthday to her. She was so cute talking to all the princesses. My friend Michelle & her daughter Caitlyn joined us & were able to spend the whole day with us! It was so much fun....thanks again for coming Michelle! On a side note, the only place in either of the parks that you will get anything for free is in California Adventure....they have a Mission Tortilla Factory & a sourdough bread factory & will actually give out samples. We hit up the tortilla factory both days. YUM! Anyway, the girls also went nuts at the Playhouse Disney show. Coray & I were just laughing at how much fun Gracie was having jumping around, dancing in the aisle & singing. It was so cute to watch. We spent more time in A Bug's Land & the girls enjoyed the Monster's Inc. ride a lot too. I really like California Adventure....it's never as crowded as the Disneyland side is either. We stayed the whole day again & they were even showing Fantasmic so we stayed to watch that too. That was honestly one of my favorite shows when I used to work there & I never really got tired of watching it so it was fun to see it again. Emma was a bit scared during one particular part with the dragon but otherwise she loved it too. It was such a fun trip!

Disneyland - Day 1 (Monday, Jan.12th)

Not as many pictures as we took on Tuesday but equally as fun...I narrowed it down to about ten pictures. The girls had an absolute blast running around Toontown. We rode Gadget's Go-Coaster (little roller coaster) over & over a few times. It was GREAT because it wasn't crowded at all. I packed for January weather & they had record breaking heat around 80 degrees. It was almost hot! We also had a good time in A Bug's Land (California Adventure) & went on this one little ride I think three times in a row just before they closed. I'll get day two up later.

Hospital registration and pre-surgical appointments

Ok, our Disney trip was AWESOME and my little three year old is just not a baby anymore. The girls had a blast and I have about 100 pictures to go through and upload...I'm intimidated but will try to get that done this weekend and post more about our trip. Wednesday night, after we got back from So Cal, Skye hosted a "hat and scarf" party for me at our church building. It was so much fun. I got some cute hats and scarves and a sizeable amount of cash to buy more! Thanks to Skye and Kylie and all the lovely ladies who came and brought yummy food and desserts and spent part of their evening with me. I really feel blessed to have such a great support group!

I had to go register at the hospital today for surgery next Wednesday, and I had to have lab work done (yes, more needles...yuck), an EKG and a pre-surgical exam with my plastic surgeon. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and definitely overwhelmed. Mostly because of what will happen BEFORE the surgery. I have to have a sentinel lymph node biopsy during the surgery, no big deal since I'll be out cold. BUT, before the surgery they have to place a marker in me so the surgeon knows exactly where to go to do the biopsy. The last time I had a marker placed was in October when my first surgeon did a needle biopsy and placed a marker where that had been done. It was honestly the most horrible, traumatic experience of my life. I can't even describe how painful it was. I was crying on the table, I felt like I was being stabbed. And yes, she used a local anesthetic...twice. So, my anxiety is about having to have that done before the surgery. I'm not even concerned about the surgery...at least I'll be under general anesthesia for that! I seriously don't know if I can do it. Not that part. They are going to HAVE to give me something or sedate me somehow. I think I'm going to call my surgeon's office to discuss it and see if anything can be done.

Anyway, I also found out the surgery (which begins at 3:00) is going to take about FOUR hours. So don't expect any calls or texts or updates (from Coray, not me) until late Wednesday night. I know after surgery I'll be in recovery for awhile before I get to a room or anything, so it could be pretty late. I have to be at the hospital at noon though. It's definitely going to be a long day for Coray. At least I'll be out for a lot of it. I am very comfortable with my surgeon and plastic surgeon so I'm good with that. Just wish me luck for before the surgery!

Some good news

I talked to my Oncologist's office today & they got the results of my CT scan & Bone scan. They both show that the cancer has not spread anywhere else. Not that we thought it had but....YAY!!

I've been surfing the net for some hats & such. There are some cute ones out there. Plus Skye is throwing me a "hat & scarf" party next Wednesday evening at our church, after we get back from So Cal. I should have lots to choose from when the time comes. Even though I don't plan on getting any synthetic wigs, I did find one I totally love & plan to get: http://www.zoogstercostumes.com/products/ru50496.html#

Hey, I might as well have a LITTLE fun with this! Pink = breast cancer....it's appropriate!

Needles suck

That's all.

Happy New Year! We're going to Disneyland!!!

I feel like one of those old Superbowl commercials...."Kristine, you just found out you have cancer, what are you going to do now?" ha ha ha

It's been crazy with doctor's appointments & tests & blood draws & scans and since Gracie's birthday is on the 13th...yep, we're going to Disneyland. My "baby" is going to be THREE!!! I have a couple friends from my Disneyland days who still work there, plus Coray's uncle Joe has been the drummer in the Disneyland band since like they opened (just KIDDING uncle Joe!) so we have "connections" to get us signed in. Plus Uncle Joe & Aunt Verna let us know we could stay with them so no hotel needed! Yay! Practically free Disneyland trip! We're going to go down the 11th, go to the Parks the 12th & 13th and come home the 14th. It'll be a quick trip but I think we so need it before my surgery, which WAS scheduled on the 15th but got moved (due to a scheduling debacle) to the 21st. I'm pretty sure I've decided to do the double mastectomy because I really don't want to have to go through this EVER again if I can at all avoid it. My insurance company (the jerks) denied the PET scan my Oncologist ordered because you have to be stage 2 or higher, per their "requirements", to qualify for one. Instead I have to have a CT scan (next Monday) & a Bone scan (next Tuesday). And I'm sure two scans are MUCH cheaper than one (insert sarcasm). I don't know, maybe they are but it's just ONE more test I have to have before surgery. Oh well, not like I have anything better to do & what's one more stick with a needle? (insert more sarcasm)

I ended up getting an infection & had to go to the doctor. He told me they were going to give me an antibiotic shot & they asked me if I was ok with needles. I think they were a little worried for a second when I started to laugh.

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel & for the record.... I feel fine! I guess that's one of the crazy things about cancer. I'm not nervous...yet. I know as it gets closer I will be. Focusing on other things, like Disneyland, is helping. Recovery is going to be difficult & chemo is not going to be a picnic. I was sitting outside with a couple of my friends the other day & our kids were all playing. It was probably in the upper 50's & I was getting chilly. I just kept thinking about how cold my ears were going to get without hair! I definitely need to get some hats & scarves & such. I should start really looking into that!