Bittersweet moments

It's so bittersweet to realize your little ones are growing up. I love this picture of Gracie, she looks like such a big girl with her ponytail. She was our little "baldie" for so long, now that she has hair she just seems so big. She loves her bike & loves to ride it around the neighborhood with the big kids when we're out playing. It's just so dang sad because my baby is just not a baby anymore. They grow up so fast. I don't miss diapers though & it's fun to be able to have a conversation with them....so there are good things about it!

Our Easter beauties

Easter festivities

I felt guilty because I didn't get the girls to the mall to see Santa this past Christmas. I promised Emma we'd go see the Easter Bunny & chemo be damned we made it. We also met up with my friend Kim & her two boys so the kids could play. Emma & her son Ryan were in preschool together last year and her youngest, Jakob, is not too much younger than Gracie. The mall has the little play area in the food court that the girls absolutely love to play in....I'm not sure why, it's honestly not that great. A little slide & a little thing to climb on. Go figure. They had fun seeing the Easter bunny & playing with the boys so it was worth it.



I have to admit I've been a bad Mom....the girls have never had a dollhouse. The Easter Bunny took care of that for me & they've been playing with it all day. Definitely a worthwhile investment when you have girls! Except now they want me to go outside & blow bubbles. When exactly do children outgrow the fascination with bubbles?? I swear they would have someone out there every day if they could.



We also had a little Easter egg hunt in the backyard. Nothing big since....yeah the backyard is pretty small, but they love it anyway. Easter & Halloween drive me nuts with all the candy though. I need to be more creative with what they get & try things like coins, goldfish crackers, teddy grahams, stickers, etc.

It's nice to know there's a reason

So I went this afternoon for my weekly chemo visit. They always ask how I'm doing. I tell them it's been a rough week physically, I've been tired....yadda, yadda, yadda. My lab work comes back & my nurse Amy (she's great & I ask for her every week) comes over & says "Yeah I bet you're tired, your Hemoglobin level is pretty low". Hemoglobin is what carries oxygen throughout your body. It's nothing serious & it should slowly start coming back up again. It's just nice to know there's a reason & it's not just in my head! I wonder if Vegas has an Oxygen Bar????

Chemo ups & downs

What a difference a day makes on chemo, especially for a week or so after a big chemo session. I have been really excited about the whole Race for the Cure and thought I was feeling better (or at least on the upswing). Just a series of little things had me down so much tonight, not even Prince Ativan has made it better. I watched the series finale of ER in a daze. Mostly I'm feeling tired, just tired of so many things. Listening to the girls argue & whine (typical for their ages but just too much today for me), feeling like I yell at them too much & just need a break, going upstairs to take five minutes only to have them follow me & then ask me why I was crying, the constant picking up after them, the neverending dishes & laundry, the neverending feeling like that my work is piling up & I can't take fifteen minutes to get them lunch right now because I just keep falling behind & will have to work later in the day to make it up, the constant battle to get them to sit down & eat....why does any mealtime seem to take an hour, the neverending medical bills that seem to be above & beyond our "out of pocket maximum", the neverending side effects of chemo....not all are super hard but most are pretty damn annoying & uncomfortable, the waiting to snap out of it & feel better, the wanting to get my life back. It's hard not to get overwhelmed, it's hard to try to constantly continue on like everything is fine. The fact is that it's not right now. None of this is fine. Cancer sucks. I'm not a "why me" type of person but today I hit "I've had enough". Calgon take me away.

Team Captain Kristine!

The Las Vegas annual Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is coming up on Saturday, May 2nd. I don't care how I am feeling, I don't care how bald I am.....I AM GOING TO DO THIS!!!! So is Coray & we're bringing the girls too. Not only that but I signed up as a Team Captain & would love it if I could get some of my friends/family to come out & do it with us. We are "Team Kristine". Not very original but it works. The ironic thing is that last year I actually contacted them to find out about registering for no other reason than it is a good cause (didn't do it because we all had the stomach flu that weekend....go back in the blog for verification even). Little did I know how drastically my reasons would change! I know many of you are in other states & physically not able but I created a homepage with the details...see link below if you didn't already get it. If any of you are considering a trip to Vegas...how does May 2nd sound?? And I know that for so many of you out of state you will be there in spirit. This has obviously become a very prominent issue in our lives & if any of you are so inclined to donate to our team, well, you know it's a worthy cause. So many of you have reached out to support me in my fight and from the bottom of my heart I am humbled & grateful. This is just a small way that I can continue the fight for myself and others who are battling this horrible disease. Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate the support, the calls, the e-mails, the letters, the cards, the texts, the flowers, the dinners, the babysitting, the yummy fruit & the prayers!

There's a 5K timed run, 5K un-timed run/walk (I think that's what we're planning to do) & a 1K fun walk. So it should be fun, even for the kids!

http://race.komensouthernnevada.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1421241&pg=personal&fr_id=1040&et=QYLj-czQEXSxmakpf8opOw..&s_tafId=7010