Chemo ups & downs

What a difference a day makes on chemo, especially for a week or so after a big chemo session. I have been really excited about the whole Race for the Cure and thought I was feeling better (or at least on the upswing). Just a series of little things had me down so much tonight, not even Prince Ativan has made it better. I watched the series finale of ER in a daze. Mostly I'm feeling tired, just tired of so many things. Listening to the girls argue & whine (typical for their ages but just too much today for me), feeling like I yell at them too much & just need a break, going upstairs to take five minutes only to have them follow me & then ask me why I was crying, the constant picking up after them, the neverending dishes & laundry, the neverending feeling like that my work is piling up & I can't take fifteen minutes to get them lunch right now because I just keep falling behind & will have to work later in the day to make it up, the constant battle to get them to sit down & eat....why does any mealtime seem to take an hour, the neverending medical bills that seem to be above & beyond our "out of pocket maximum", the neverending side effects of chemo....not all are super hard but most are pretty damn annoying & uncomfortable, the waiting to snap out of it & feel better, the wanting to get my life back. It's hard not to get overwhelmed, it's hard to try to constantly continue on like everything is fine. The fact is that it's not right now. None of this is fine. Cancer sucks. I'm not a "why me" type of person but today I hit "I've had enough". Calgon take me away.