Some pretty fun news

Skye told me last month that a photographer she knows, Amy Leavitt, was participating in this project called "Giving is Awesome". This is the premise in Amy's words from her website (www.amyleavittphotography.com):

"You know someone. You know someone who’s experienced a tragedy, is struggling to stay afloat, is raising kids while holding down more than one job, or is volunteering selflessly despite extenuating personal circumstances. You know someone who can’t afford custom photography, but who would cherish it fully. You know someone who deserves a year-round reminder of their family’s spirit, love, and beauty.

You know someone. I guarantee it.

I want to know who they are, and I want to give them the chance to experience complimentary custom photography worth over $750. The winner will receive a photo session with me, 5×7 prints from the session and the complete set of digital files."

So, Skye nominated us (and boy would I love to read what she wrote!). I got an e-mail from Amy today saying we won. Wow! It's bittersweet for me because dang....I guess we've been going through some pretty crappy stuff lately. When I really think about everything it's tough and I break down, because you know....it just plain sucks. I mean, I "should" be seven months pregnant right now. I should be fat and happy and rearranging furniture. I hate that there's a part of me that just cries every time I hear another friend tell me she's pregnant. I shouldn't know as much as I do about chemotherapy, about drugs like Taxotere, Carboplatin & Herceptin. About how toxic they are and how they literally try to kill you....just to make you better in the long run. About the plethora of insane side effects and the havoc they wreak on your body. I shouldn't have two huge, angry scars across my chest. I shouldn't have to try and explain all this garbage to two beautiful little faces who just cannot understand it all. I shouldn't know so much about this monstrous disease called cancer, no one should.

Still...I'm ok. As difficult as this is I'm ok. I'll make it through because I have every reason to. I'm not more tough than the next person, I'm not more inspiring. You just do what you have to do. There is no alternative. I'm not done yet and cancer certainly isn't going to stop me.

So I'm excited for the opportunity to have some wonderful family pictures taken. After talking to Amy this afternoon we're planning to do it this Sunday afternoon at Red Rock or a park she knows of. Hopefully it'll be before my hair falls out because I know it's going to start any day now!! It's nice to have something fun to think about instead of just my next Chemo session. And, by the way, the Herceptin only days are not so bad. The IV drip is only about half an hour and the side effects don't seem nearly as harsh. Hopefully that will continue. So thanks Skye and thanks Amy, it'll be so fun to do this as a family and despite whether or not I have hair, I know we'll get some great pictures of the girls!

Finally something NOT related to cancer!

I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever again have anything to say that's not cancer related! This is really for my Mom since she wanted the pictures. My BFF from High School (and college), Donna, was able to manage a quick trip out to visit us this weekend. We haven't seen each other since my wedding seven and a half years ago when she was my Matron of Honor. She was in Phoenix for a nursing conference and came here to visit before heading home to Missouri. To be perfectly honest....I don't think we look all that different than we did in High School! Except we're at least 20 years older, married, I have two kids & she has four. And granted, this is about the last picture you're going to see of me with hair for awhile! It was so good to see her and the girls had fun meeting and playing with her. Thanks for coming Donna, I hope it's not another 7.5 years before we see you again!!

Made it through round one

Friday was long. It didn't help that I woke up at 4:00 am & couldn't get back to sleep. We got there at 8:00 & I didn't actually start the chemo until 11:00. Chemo itself was shorter than I thought it was going to be though....only about 4.5 - 5 hours. They did give me a sedative so I napped, read, watched a DVD. My friend Amber came by & brought me lunch so I had some company for a bit too. I was the youngest one there. Almost everyone else definitely qualified for AARP! That was kind of weird, though everyone was nice. Saturday morning I had to go back & get an injection (Neulasta). Since the chemo kills your white blood cells (the ones that fight infection), among other things, the Saturdays after my "big chemo" days I have to have a shot to stimulate blood cell production.

This is not going to be easy. The fatigue is crazy. Going upstairs was getting me winded. Not a lot of nausea, so that's good I think. It didn't hit me until early afternoon on Saturday & then I just got really tired. I think I have a little bit of a cold too. I was congested a bit before Friday so I don't think that has helped. I'm going to try to go to the gym this morning with Gracie & walk on the treadmill. Exercise is definitely encouraged. I need to get back into our normal routine because I think that will help. I am noticing that some things are tasting different. Not necessarily bad but just different. I was looking at an online discussion board at one the official breast cancer websites and there were ladies discussing having breast cancer more than one time. I can't imagine that. More than anything THAT is what scares me the most. What if it comes back? What if I beat this thing & 10 years from now it's back? I know I can't think that way but it's hard to be positive & upbeat when you're feeling lousy. I just want it to go away. I just want my life back. I can deal with the "modifications" to my body, just give me back my health. We have decided that we are staying here until I'm done with treatment. Pharmacy school can wait. Coray is also going to look into going to school to be a Physician's Assistant. There is a school here in Henderson that he is going to look into and also two in Arizona. Although, as much as we want to get back to Arizona with the housing market what it is right now we should stay put for the time being. Only time will tell.

Here comes Chemo

I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm not nervous, I'm more anxious to get on with it. We have to be there tomorrow at 8:00 for a Chemo class. After that I have a doctor's appointment and after that I start Chemo. Coray took tomorrow off & will come for the class & doctor's appointment but I'll send him home once I start the Chemo part. No sense in him sitting around waiting for hours. It will be a LONG day. I have a bag ready to go. It has a blanket, DVD/CD player, candy, gum, a couple books & water (with a lovely beverage mix in). I can nap, read & watch movies (I only wish Twilight was out on DVD already!). I know they offer a sedative prior to beginning the IV drip(s) so you can sleep if you want to. I may try that tomorrow. Guess I'm all set. I got a package in the mail today from my friend Margie. Among it's contents were TWO gift certificates to The Outback!!! WOO HOO!!! Guess what we had for dinner...curbside to go....you just can't beat it! And I splurged & got myself a Victoria Filet. So Yummy! Thanks again Margie. That was our early Valentine's dinner since I'm pretty much going to be out of it all day Saturday (or so I'm told).

I had my first expansion yesterday. Which was ok though my skin is still numb so I didn't feel the needle go in. I did feel it going through the muscle though. Yuck. I've been more sore today than I have been the past week but I guess that's to be expected. Just more fun to look forward to over the next few months. I'm kind of at a loss for words tonight so this is going to be short. I'm going to try to get to sleep early, not that I need a good nights sleep since I can nap all during Chemo if I want! But I need to try to just relax. I'll post again once I'm feeling up to it. Wish me luck!

Recovery issues

This is quickly turning into "the cancer blog" and I really hate that. It was so much more fun when it was happy, funny, cute posts about the girls and things we'd done. Now it just seems like it's all about me and that's no fun at all. I'm looking forward to the days when all of this is behind us. But it is somewhat therapeutic for me to write everything down so I will continue. I did get the other drain out last Monday and that was wonderful but I've had another issue this past week with my recovery. My skin literally hurts. Not the incision areas because those are still numb, but like the area below my collar bones, under my arms and the back of my left arm. I don't know quite how to explain it other than that. Everything, including the softest tee-shirt, that touches me irritates my skin. I'm so uncomfortable it's not funny. It's a strange phenomenon. I'm sure it has something to do with recovery and nerves regenerating but when it involves nerves there is little OTC medication that can be taken to alleviate the pain. Even the Lortab I have does nothing for it. Oddly enough the one thing that "helps" it is pressure. Not a lot of pressure but if I place my hands on the area it takes the pain away. I'm really hoping this is just a phase of recovery and it goes away soon. I have a follow up appointment with my Plastic Surgeon next Wednesday and will ask him about it if it's not gone. Hopefully he can help if it's still lingering.

I have been trying to concentrate on other things to keep my mind off of it but it's difficult. One of my favorite book series (other than the Twilight series) is by author David Eddings. He is a fantasy writer (sorcerers, mythical creatures, dangerous quests, etc) and one of my favorites. I was introduced to his books in college and re-read them every few years. They are easy reading, very entertaining, humorous, have endearing characters and are just fun to read. Two of his series are about the same characters and that's what I've been reading. I took the first book to the hospital and just finished the tenth book. There are twelve in all. I have also been working on our yearly photo book. I do NOT scrapbook or print out photos for an album but I do like to do an annual photo book online....I like York Photo. I have done several of them over the past few years...an annual book (since 2006), one for each of the girls "first year" and one from my wonderful trip to England. I really like the digital quality and getting the final product in the mail. I narrowed it down to just over 200 pictures from 2008 and finished it last night. It took me about six hours total over the past week to do the whole thing. It's a matter of formatting the pages with the pictures, adding captions and picking backgrounds. I think formatting the pages takes the longest because the layouts are preset. You have quite a few to choose from but you have to make sure the pictures all fit into each layout or add pages to make them fit, rearrange photos, etc. It's a project but I look forward to doing it every year now.

Since so many people were asking about my Chemo schedule I have (obviously) added a calendar to the blog. I will update it with my Radiation schedule once I know about that, but it won't be until after my Big Chemo is finished.

"Awizona doe! Sowar! Sowar!"

Translation: It's Superbowl Sunday and Gracie is cheering on her home state Cardinals (Arizona Go...Score! Score!). Coray got the girls all fired up watching the Superbowl. They were pretty dang cute cheering "Larry, Larry" & getting all excited jumping around & dancing. And then Arizona lost. Ah well....it's just football (says me)! It's all about the commercials anyway right? Actually though my favorite was the preview for the new Star Trek movie. Sweet.

I got one of my drains out last week but this last one has been a pain in my side...literally. It will come out tomorrow though & I think I'll feel much more normal. It's ridiculous how constricting these things have been. I just don't want to go anywhere with them sticking out the sides of my body. I yanked on one of them accidentally last week & yikes...it's not fun having something physically stitched into you. There's literally 6-8 inches of tubing inside of me too....that's just disturbing. It was not pleasant at all to have it taken out & I'm not really looking forward to it tomorrow but I will definitely be glad to get rid of them for good! My dear friend Jennifer came the day my Mother in Law left & was another great help to us. She is coming back on the 13th to be here to help me the day after my first Chemo treatment. I have to say I'm a bit anxious to get this started & see how I react to it. The sooner I start though the sooner it's over.